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Leslie's Story In this clip, Leslie shares her passion for improving the quality of life for people with disabilities with a specific focus on young children and families. Scroll to Listen Leslie's Story 00:00 / 04:07 Leslie: So my passion has been improving the quality of life for people with disabilities with a particular focus on young children and families in my professional roles. When I was a teenager, I became interested in what we called at the time, “mental retardation”, today known as “cognitive impairment” or “developmental disabilities”. One of my first professional jobs was working in a grant funded program for visually impaired children and adults in a state institution. I was fortunate to be part of the movement in the 1970s to expose the abuses of these institutions and improve the conditions as a result of state and federal lawsuits with subsequent funding. Leslie: As we developed this new program and learned about the ravages of trauma and deprivation of institutional life on those children and adults, we understood that we needed to develop relationships with many other staff. Including those in direct care roles who had been there for generations and were wary of so many new young professionals. When I left that position a few years later, I knew I had learned a lot understood, that I had cultivated some good advocacy skills and appreciated that teamwork was a very powerful approach for effective change. Working in that state institution was a jarring and humbling experience. When I left the position, I was aware that many of the people I had worked with had no one to advocate for them. Leslie: I subsequently became a legal guardian for a woman, Diana. She had been born in the institution to her mother, another resident, who had been abused and suffered from syphilis. Subsequently, Diana was deaf limited vision in one eye. I was able to use my knowledge and relationships with staff to improve the quality of Diana's life, first in the institution, later in a group home. Leslie: In contrast to my first position at the institution, I was honored to be part of the progressive approach to including these children and their communities and supporting parents in providing for their child's needs. Service delivery was based on interdisciplinary teamwork, including parents, educators, nurses, social workers and speech occupational and physical therapists. Our philosophy had that parents and families were the most important members of that team and without their investment, we professionals would not succeed. I often tell the story of one of my first home visits with Bonnie, our team nurse. I remember sitting on the floor observing and interacting with the baby while Bonnie was sitting on the couch talking with the mother. Initially, I was annoyed that Bonnie wasn't assessing the child's needs, but quickly recognized that the conversation and relationship with the mother was the most important part of the visit. Leslie: When I moved into an administrative position in the public schools in the early 2000s, I worked collaboratively with guidance counselors in the high schools for students with disabilities could have more equal access to academics and extracurricular activities. In these public schools I thoroughly enjoyed my role as a team leader, facilitating meetings with parents and staff to create appropriate educational programs for each student. Leslie: The teamwork during my early intervention years and some relationships built at that time remained today. There have been several reunions over the years. We rallied over Zoom during the beginning of the pandemic to honor our colleague, Bonnie, who had passed away and had been a mentor for many of us. We recently had a physical reunion just a couple of months ago, about a dozen women, some from out of state. In addition to discussing everyone's current activities and families, the conversation always comes back to what great work we did in those early years and how important that teamwork was to our success.

< Back Caroline's Story Story Coming Soon! Scroll to listen 00:00 / 02:45 ​ Previous Next

< Back Charlie's Story Charlie recounts his rich experience traveling the world, and what he has learned from a lifetime of travel. He discusses the importance of how traveling helps us experience and help better understand other cultures, and how the individuals of these cultures shape his experiences. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 04:58 So to start out, I wanted to ask you to tell me about your travels throughout your life. Oh, totally I've been we've been very lucky with the chances to travel widely and a number of ways. We've traveled in Europe and Southeast Asia, Australia, New Zealand. And we traveled by boat and we travel by plane to some places that folks don't likely get to. So we've been very lucky. What what we started doing was bareboat chartering. And so we go down with friends and charter a boat for a week and poke around. And then we got to know some folks down there. And that led to a number of trips that took us to quiet little places that were very special. Yeah, what places did you end up visiting? Well, the some of the most interesting those days were in the Bahamas, which is not far from Florida. The Bahamas, or that's an earring because that a lifestyle is a very simple one and tied closely to the water. So people fish and people say, Oh, it's a much less complicated life.Each culture has its own defining food preferences, but so it becomes a question of which your pleasure artists are buried. So when you hurt Italy, I remember, we literally he took us out into the countryside of his place, and we'll probably had five or six courses. And in between each course, there was a different pasta dish. So oh, you could Oh, the pasta, trouble. And other cultures that fish can be defining, particularly in the islands where the fresher, fresh and wonderful. And and then of course, there's always the wind to wash it down with that makes that compliments of me also. It's all fun. Some of the places that we went to, as I say, we traveled around the world. And it's you, you realize when you travel that, wow, the architecture and the historic ask aspects are interesting. It's the people that make the difference. And so we'd always try and somehow connect with local folks wherever we were. And that made it especially nice. It was interesting because you can read forever about different cultures but until you talk to the people, while you're there isn't really illuminated and and so the people flesh out the sense you have the culture. So I know that it is it's clear that you've had a lot of time spent traveling and going throughout different places in the world. I definitely want to be able to travel more in my future and so I was curious if you had any advice for me for my future travels. The only advice I would give as a general advice that remember that traveling in my view is about the opportunity to meet people and focus on people lose much this the charm with the area and look food and all the reasons that it's appealing. Previous Next

< Back Jesse's Story Jesse talks with Lauren about being wrongfully accused and sent to prison. He shares the lessons he learned during that difficult time. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 04:41 “The toughest thing I went through was, when I was in college, I had a little run in with the law over a marijuana issue. When the whole thing started I was 18 years old. I was in college out in Western Pennsylvania. That particular town was under very, very right winged conservative area. They were down on drugs. I was accused of selling $15 worth of marijuana. And went to trial. It really should never even gone to trial. I mean they had no real evidence. There were four people in the room at the time it was supposed to have happened and three of them said it didn't happen, and one of them said it did. And they decided to believe that one person. I was the only one. I was pretty sure it was because I was Jewish and there a very strong anti-Semitic taint to the whole thing. So I was convicted. The judge said, as far as he’s concerned, selling drugs is as bad as murder. So he gave me the maximum sentence, even though it was my first offense. He gave me 3 years in prison. I didn’t take it seriously, I really didn’t think I was gonna go to prison. It just seemed so outrageous. My lawyer was taking an appeal then I got a call one day from my father and he said, the appeal fell through and you have to go to prison. So, I freaked out, I was 21 years old at the time. Really didn’t know what to expect. My first week there was very very scary. It was overcrowded, so they didn’t have room for me in the part of the prison where they first introduce people. So I was put in solitary confinement for a week, which was really not a lot of fun. I thought my life was over at that point. Prison is like hell. It’s like everybody’s there, it's full of anger and aggression, but I found some friends there, actually. There were several people there, that were there for drug related offenses, you know, marijuana. And we weren’t criminals, you know, we were just kids who got caught up in a system. Because I had friends, I was able to make it through. Could’ve gotten out in one year, but it didn't seem like that was gonna happen. They wanted me to repent and say that what I had done was wrong. I was adamant that I thought the drug laws were wrong. I didn't really repent and they took that as a mark against me. So I didn’t know how long I’d be in there. It was a hard thing. One of the things that got me through was, I had a girlfriend before I ended up there. She wrote me almost everyday. She would write me a letter like almost everyday, at least 5 or 6 times a week. And that really helped me make it through, getting those letters everyday, really lifted my spirits. It turned out that my father was really not very good. I went to prison because of him. He told me he had taken the appeals, but didn’t. He told the lawyer not to take the appeals. And that’s why I ended up going to prison, my own father. And I didn't find that out until later. My mother hired a lawyer from the national organization for the reform of marijuan laws and he told me, he says, “they never took the appeals, you had grounds for appeals but they never took it.” He applied for what's called, commutation, which is reeducation of sentence. My mother went to court and testified for me. One day I was about 8 months into my sentence and they called me up and said, “do you have a job for when you get out of prison?” I said, “what are you talking about? I’m not getting out for another 2 and half years.”And they said, “No, right here it says you’re getting out next month.” I said, “what?!” And sure enough the commutation had gone through and nobody had told me. I was released from prison after about 7 or 8 months. So I was really, really, happy about that. I was so excited. That day I got out I was so happy. I felt so good. It was like, okay, I made it through that. If I can make it through that, I can make it through anything. So I felt really confident, really good, and really proud of myself that I had made it through and I hadn’t turned bitter, and I hadn’t gotten worse. You know, like, I got out and went right back to school, got my degree and went on to graduate school. In some ways, prison helped me, I mean I would not recommend it to anybody, it wasn’t worth it, but it did help me. It did help me focus my life. I guess the main lesson I learned was that no matter how bad it gets, there is a way forward and there's a way out. Nothing bad lasts forever. I still feel that freedom I felt on the day I got let out, the strength I felt. I can still tap into that today. As bad as things get, they eventually end. Bad things don’t last forever and there’s a way through. That’s what I learned.” Previous Next

Jonathan's Story Jonathan shares his special connection with his family and how they have been a major influence in his life, from his brothers to his mom and dad. He touches upon his love for his parents supporting him through sports and making sure he was reaching his fullest potential growing up. With deep gratitude for his mother and everything she had overcome in her early life, he expresses the kind of person and a great appreciation of who she is. Jonathan's Story 00:00 / 03:44 0:00 I wanted to talk about hobbies and enjoyment because for me that's one of the things that really helped me connect to to my family. You know, my, my brothers and I were all into the the same things, you know, I feel like my younger brothers definitely look up to me a lot because I've very much compared to my older brother. I'm very much on a straight and narrow going through college, going through, you know, going to get a degree, get a job was never in trouble. But I just want them to, really. 0:29 You know, figure out what they want on a life instead of structure it around me. It diverged when it came to sports, but that was also a way that helped me connect my dad, He was always at track meets. There was something that felt really good about having, you know, your parent come and watch you when you're working your **** off for something that you care about. And I remember I was really into soccer after, like throughout middle school, and I really, really wanted to make my freshman year team. 0:59 And the trials were like a week. I thought I did really well. And then come to find out that, you know, I got cut and you know, in my mind I was already like giving up and I was like sour grapes, whatever, It's like not worth it anyway. But then those are the moments when my dad would come in and really give me those good Nuggets of advice and he was hit me with some Rocky Balboa type of doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how hard you get hits, you know, it's what you can get hit and. 1:27 Get up with and I took that into the sports and my high school education afterwards, You know, it made just those moments not only brought me closer to my dad, but also made me a more resilient person. My mom, she started her own business and she thought she was going to be a lawyer, so she was studying law. But then she got quite sick and had to get many surgeries when she was through going through college. 1:56 She found that the one thing that helped her was, you know, her diet and like what she was putting inside of her body. So she decided to become, you know, the the lead in her field of nutrition. She's she's the exact same way, you know, does, you know, she's a business owner does, does her own taxes. Everything she does is very, very much exact. When we were growing up, you know, she was very. 2:23 Made sure that we were on our stuff because she was on her stuff and one of the toughest women I know as well. And she adopted all four boys. And you know, not everybody can do that. It takes a special type of parents to be able to make that happen and she's such a champ about it. Always made sure that we felt like we could do whatever we wanted in life despite, you know, not coming from. 2:53 Your average background, you know, some of my siblings kind of did not appreciate the way that she went about this. But I I understand and I do, you know, she would send us to synagogue despite, you know, sometimes how we look may not match our environment. She would send us to all sports of sports camps, whatever. But the point was, you know, you can do whatever you want in life. And I'm, I've overcome many of things. I want you to be able to overcome things too. 3:23 And it was perhaps intentional, perhaps unintentional. But the lesson stuck. And you know, I appreciate her. Appreciate her greatly for that, but feel like that really boiled back down to who she was. You know who she is. Biggest supporter in my life. Seriously. But yeah, love my mother. Love my mother dearly. Previous Next

< Back Raluca's Story Raluca’s family immigrated to America when she was 6 years old. At first, she didn’t fully understand or appreciate her family background or Romanian culture. Most of all, she disliked her name and wanted nothing more but to change it one day. She grew up embarrassed about who she was–but after going back to her country for the first time again at 16 years old, everything changed. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 04:23 I remember that when I was little my Grandma would tell me stories about this Greek princess named Rulu and how my name Raluca came from her. I was born in Romania and when I was 6 years old we came to the United States for a new and better life. In first grade in America, I noticed that no one could really pronounce my name correctly, everyone always seemed to ask me oh what kind of name is that? And it didn't take very long for me to become very sick and tired of hearing that question. My move to a new country brought many many changes, most of which I was too young to understand completely. Something I did realize however was I was really excited to come here and I remember my family was crying when we left, but I didn't understand why until I grew up a little bit more. I worked really hard to fit in because my biggest nightmare was just standing out in a crowd and I really tried to change myself to belong here. Whenever I met a new friend when I was growing up I would just tell them my name was something else and I would make up a name that was American because I wanted to pretend, just to see what it was like for a moment to be what I thought was normal. The thing that embarrassed me the most at the time was my parents and their accents. Especially my Dad, with his big thick Romanian accent, whenever we were in public I would sush them if they dared speak to me in Romanian or I would block my ears and I would say shhh. I remember just being so mad that they had accents, but I think that also comes with maturity at the time I just didn’t understand. Looking back I feel so awful now because of thinking like that just when I was little and I didnt know any better but now I look at that with admiration and respect and so much appreciation and I think that I would never get mad at them now for being talked down to because of their accents. I never understood at the time how much my parents sacrificed for us and how hard they had to work to give us this glamorous life that we were able to have. I went from being just so embarrassed about my name and my culture and my parents and not being American to having this admiration and respect for it all when I was 16 years old. 10 years after our move to America, we went back to Romania for the first time. The city I am from is called Yash, there are these beautiful flowers blooming all in the trees there called florile de tei. What amazed me the most about my country really was meeting the people there. I felt like I saw kindness like I haven't really seen in America and I felt love like I never felt and I just felt this sense of belonging that I didn't feel here. I just felt like I was torn away from my home and that this is where I really belonged and my parents took me away and I had no say in that so I started questioning you know why did we leave. I just realized that this America had a better life for me but at the same time I grew up without my family. I guess it just made me realize that these are the only people that truly matter and honestly if anyone ever judged me in this country that it didn't matter that much. Previous Next

Mary's Story Mary Young describes, in an interview with Hellen Muma, the cast-off treasures she discovered as a kid—and how those experiences turned her into a life-long collector. She shares a lesson learned from Louis Armstrong’s white handkerchief and remembers a great-aunt who influenced her with the gift of a corrugated gift box. Scroll to listen Mary's Story 00:00 / 02:19 So, I know you have a lot of collections, and you keep creating new ones. What are some examples and what made you become a collector? I remember really clearly we lived in a sorta like actually my father taught in a boys boarding school so we lived in a dorm and you would take ethe trash all the way down to the basement to put it in these bins and I was old enough to take the trash down I guess for my mother So i as taking the trash down I went down to the trash room and I saw all this stuff and there was an older couple who worked was on the faculty and they were downsizing and they had piles of stuff and I was immediately really interested in it that was my earliest memory of finding extraordinary things in the trash and I’ve never stopped ever since When I was going through my paternal grandmothers stuff Among all the other stuff I found was a box of buttons I mean some of them were really old some go back to the 19th century and some buttons from when my grandmother during world war 2 was a part of the red cross ambulance driver corps ya know outside of Boston she didn't drive ambulances really but for some reason these women trained for that there were just and there were buttons they came from all different types of people now just women but mostly women the family and ya know from generations of all different people and I think I was already collecting antique buttons and I kind of dumped everything together and I would come up with some buttons from my mother and I’d put those in there and to me it's like this ocean of family history particularly for me of women history and it just is like it all flowed together into this soup and i just love that ya know I have made some things with the buttons like I've decorated some pillows with them I was thinking of framing some maybe I'll do it maybe I won't It's such an immediate connection to generations of women and its different as if I just got something from a tag sale cause this actually had to do something with people in my family who knows what but that's one example of potentially thousands I can tell

Josh's Story Josh shares his dedication and identity to football at college and wanting to succeed in his athletic career, only to realize that it was taking him away from his academics. When Covid hit, which was brought with a year spent at home, he decided to change his focus from football towards his studies on Public Health. Leaving your past self may be hard, but it’s the sacrifice to limitless possibilities and realizing . Josh's Story 00:00 / 03:20 So at 18 I think, not that my head was in the wrong place but, now looking back I was definitely a little bit naive, I think. I was really obviously into football. I'd like that's where I kind of put all my time and energy. I was fortunate enough where I won a state championship with my team in my senior year so that kind of boosted not my ego but my like attention towards football and wanting to keep on having success in the sport. So I obviously ended up going to Springfield College right after graduation to go play football at the college you know after being there for a couple of months and just kind of interacting with the people there. I just kind of realized that like I wasn't really getting as much out of it then that I thought I was going to and I was like you know what I'd rather just commit the time that I was spending playing football just to focus purely on my academics at that point. So I decided that I was going to quit football which was kind of a big part of my identity at the time. I kind of had to learn how to you know take that part of myself and kind of let it be in the past. I would say fortunately but unfortunately enough by the time I realize that I was done playing football Covid became a thing and that was during the Spring of my freshman year so we all got sent home and that was kind of like the you know the nail in the coffin for my decision if there's any time to you know hang up the cleats now. I lived at home for about like a year and then at that time I transferred to you Umass. As my studies kind of kept on getting more in depth, I started to figure out that I really liked them my new major public health I you know I started to meet some new people and most of them were from you know the friends that I had for my hometown and I met their friends that they met up here. I would say that when it comes to you know now being 22 and graduating in a month I would say like the biggest difference from like now to when I was 18 in high school and like you know kind of just bullying and obsessed with football is that I kind of realized that education is definitely you know the ultimate way forward because you know I was just so into Sport and then I realized that we're all just lifelong learners and why limit myself and put time into you know a sport just entertain myself when I could go out and like learn something. My dad was my football coach in high school so he obviously kind of wanted me to keep on playing but he obviously had no like there's no pressure that came with like he wasn't going to force me to keep on playing. He would have liked it if I did but, he was totally supportive that I decided I wasn't going to play anymore. Previous Next

Jonathan's Story Jonathan Daube (Northampton, MA) speaks with Selena DeCosta (Easton/Amherst, MA) about his time spent teaching in Malawi and how it shaped his view of the world for the rest of his life. Scroll to listen Jonathan's Story 00:00 / 02:34 I spent two years in Malawi. I think for me it was more valuable than graduate school. I learned an enormous amount. About the world, about myself, and when we got back, it was 1970. This country, the United States, was in considerable turmoil. And I found that my experience in Malawi helped me in ways I wasn’t even aware of. Helped me work with all kinds of students, especially African american. Because for two years I had been, my bosses had been, african american, well not american, african. It just came naturally to me to work with people of very different backgrounds. That was extraordinarily, extraordinarily helpful. So that's, that's how we got there and we went with one child and came back with two. Our daughter, the middle child, was born there. Do you look at the world differently now than you did at that age? I think I do. I understood, perhaps still understand, what real poverty is like. Beyond anything you could see, well I could see, in this country. I understood, and understand now, now that I am much older, what it is like to be in a situation where there just aren’t medical services the way we are accustomed to them. A town like Northampton with a population of about 30,000 would have in Malawi, would have less than one doctor for the whole town. So there would be all kinds of people who would have no access to medical help at all. I am more comfortable in situations that I have never been in before. I would now say, and I say it to my own children, that to be fully educated and you know somewhat understand the world we live in, you have to spend some time, and I don’t mean just a week or two, you have to spend some time in a different culture. Now the different culture could be a very different kind of family or set up down the road, it doesn’t have to be overseas, but normally it would be.

Betty's Story Betty talks about her gratitude and appreciation for the support she has received during hard times in her life. Scroll to listen Betty's Story 00:00 / 03:30 ​

MJ's Story In this interview, Mary Jo discusses her experience with assistive technology like a cochlear impact and electronic captioning. She describes her journey and how sudden hearing loss has influenced her as an individual, her relationships and her outlook on life. She leaves us with a powerful message about the importance of advocating for ourselves and others. Scroll to listen MJ's Story 00:00 / 04:01 I woke up one morning and it sounded like really loud noise I my head, it was really disorienting. I got up and I was running the sink in the bathroom, and it sounded so loud to me, like unbelievability loud. Then I realized I think I need to see somebody about this – to make a long story short immediately, the person I went to see said Well you have had a hearing loss and it's not reversable, like you have lost your hearing. I was kind of shocked by that, that she could tell all that, she looked into my ears but there was nothing to be seen, there was no infection - I wasn’t sick I had to go and have it verified, I had a bunch of tests and then I had what was called a sudden sensorineural hearing loss. Then it was just getting used to suddenly having 24 hours tetanus in one ear, I thought that was a big deal because you don’t know where sound is coming from, we are so bilateral, without two ears you can't pinpoint sound. That went on for quite a number of years and then one day I was in a café and thought I heard machines doing something weird like making a high pitched nose, I mentioned it to the other people I was with and they said, “I don’t hear anything” and as soon as I went outside, I realized it was all in my head. I was concerned that it was the same thing happening again, this time I went pretty much directly to the ER – They confirmed – well by then I had lost my hearing – being suddenly deaf, completely deaf was diffidently an experience I imagined would never happen to me. Initially I couldn’t do anything, I felt very reliant suddenly on other people to do things for me like make a phone call for me that I couldn’t do for myself, so have I adjusted very well? When I look back on it, I think I really did but I didn’t grieve the loss of my hearing and I think that came up later on, there would be sudden moments where I was just a mess because I would be with other people, and I couldn’t understand what was being said and felt completely left out, I'd go and have my cry someplace and then I'd come back and then face whatever I was dealing with again. In terms of coping, I think one of the things I have learned is that I've had to speak up for myself much more than I have ever had to do in the past, partly because it was a sudden hearing loss, and I think because of that I feel like I can be more outspoken because I don’t have this identify that has been developing for years and years about being a deaf person, I think there are a lot of positives believe it or not. I think that just having a disability is a positive thing because it changes my perspective on myself, it makes me realize that I am in vulnerable to anything as anybody else. I have met people that I would never would have met, and I had something in common with them, and I will approach them, and they will approach me if they see that I have a cochlear implant. And with little kids, I really appreciate the people, the interactions, and the connection I have had with others because of this. I have realized how quickly things have changed. I mean with no warning at all, and I read a lot about appreciation and addressing appreciation is a healing tool. I am so privileged to have good doctors and good audiologists to work with and to have the financial means to get what I need. I would hope the other person who was the friend of, or sister of , or mother of, or whatever of somebody was bearing something could maintain that sense of curiosity and not go down that fear lane and I think there is more possibility for growth and healing if you are more curious and open then if you are shut down for fear, but looking back on it I have gained so much that I never would of gotten without that.

Rebecca's Story Rebecca discusses the lasting influence of joining Science Olympiad in middle school on her relationships, as well as the way that it has shaped her goals and life to this day. Scroll to Listen Rebecca's Story 00:00 / 03:44 I just joined it initially because I wanted something to do, an extracurricular, and when I was in middle school we only had flag football or Science Olympiad. So, for me it was a pretty obvious choice, and I got put just at random in an event called “Disease Detectives” which is just very, very basic epidemiology. So the first time I did a practice exam it was on asthma prevalence in a school where the school was right next to a factory and you had to figure out what was causing high asthma prevalence. It sort of felt like it was solving puzzle, even though we were literally taking an exam. At the end, I just felt so cool—I just thought it was so cool that I could assemble all this evidence and present at the end: this is what happened, this is how it happened. I think it's something that has carried me even now to studying public health because that’s the reason that I chose to study public health is that I wanted to learn more about epidemiology, and I wanted to become a disease detective—as dorky as that may sound. One of my coaches, Senila, who just every single day would just push me, and at first I think she was someone who really scared me because she was so dedicated to her own academics. But, you know, I think her strictness had a love behind it too and so she really just—she inspired me to see what was possible in my future, and she showed me how to do it so I really have eternal gratitude for her for being such a positive influence in my life. A real beauty of Olympiad is that it really does inspire kids to go out into the world and do science. When it became my turn to coach later, I think my excitement and passion for it helped inspire kids to also feel passionate for it. I remember the first year I got, the coaches, got bowling shirts instead of normal t-shirts, and I remember the first time I had my name embroidered on the sleeve it just felt so, so cool. ​One of the, I think proudest moments of my life was, I worked with this one girl in the club almost every and we became really good friends honestly, and on the day of our actual competition her parents came up to me—and I had never met them before—and they asked me if I was Rebecca. And I said, yes, and they said, our daughter always talks about you. You’ve made her care so much about science and she really, really likes you. It's so important I think to teach people how to learn outside of the context of school. I think Science Olympiad was really, for me, it was that and for many of peers it was too. Really, it taught me to, you know, even if you’re not one hundred percent enthusiastic about something to try it because you honestly never know where it's going to take you. Because I didn’t really want to do Science Olympiad at the start and now it has truly shaped my whole young adult life.